God is forever expressing love.
God is forever extending love.
God is forever revealing love.
In the “cleft of the rock,” God sanctuaries me.
Throughout this day and the day that follows, my spirit has dwelt upon the way God has kept me in the cleft of the rock.
One year ago (just as a year before that with Kim Renee), I drove to Crater Lake on a pre-hire reconnaissance mission to be more than prepared for what the job would ask of me. There was so much more to this drive, which filled my spirit and encouraged me in ways I’m not going to touch upon in this note.
While the journey was not the same as going to Mt Lassen NP (Spring 2024) for the position I thought I was preparing to accept, it did share many spiritual elements. Peace filled my spirit as I learned to accept that God was pointing me in a different direction.
At the time, not being hired for any of these positions was very deflating, a sort of denial that I had any value as a designer of things I do so well.
It is worth mentioning a similar position at Sequoia National Park I interviewed for this past March with the hiring manager, Sage. On our third phone conversation, I asked him what would happen IF the administration’s Federal employee cuts hit just as I got hired and moved to Three Rivers? Sage was already feeling this, and said it would be the worst thing, as both he and his spouse work for NPS.
Unfortunately, it happened. After serving NPS for more than 20 years, the couple became unemployed in the middle of the Sierra Nevada range. With the change in administration, anyone hired in the last year, personnel who had changed positions, or those who transferred to a new location lost their jobs, and I would have been one of them.
In the meantime, I was given this position in hospital services, which does not match my talents but brought me a greater appreciation for humanity and what we go through in our steps from birth to death.
It has been a challenge for me spiritually to refrain from pursuing my own desires and instead dedicate my time to helping my parents navigate their needs. I approach this responsibility as a daily commitment, doing my best to serve with love and dedication, as if I were doing it for Christ. I believe there are eternal rewards for showing love, especially when it requires a higher level of personal attentiveness & devotion on my part.
The position I hold allows me to experience various methods of healing. There is medical healing, surgical healing, and psychiatric healing. Additionally, there is spiritual healing, which, although it may not be central to hospital practices, has offered me many insights and techniques. I’m incorporating these into my repertoire for future use.
There is also the matter of where I live and the relationship with the person I share a house with. We are friends, not lovers. We are roommates, not soulmates. We get along, but we are not of the same mind. This is okay; it is where we are and where we have been; it speaks to who we see in each other. At any given moment she could tell me, I am done, I am through, it’s time to be done with us too. I see her processing this from time to time.
I see the way God has held me in the Cleft of the rock. I am His.
September 12, 2025 7:30 am
In all that has transpired, my heart remains unscathed by bitterness or resentment. Yes, I have felt hurt and a deep sense of loss. To these, my faith says that joy is yet to come. Each of us has a willingness to follow our heart’s calling. It is not mine to tell another what or how to think, but to understand that they have the right to be who they are. And to be aligned with them is an honor. Kim Renee felt that something about me didn’t meet her expectations, which led her to doubt everything about our connection. Although I didn’t share her feelings in this regard, I had to accept her change of heart. That is what true, holy love does. If this was part of God’s plan, that was enough for me. Did that change or diminish my love for her? No. Did this life event cause me to rethink our covenant to keep one another in prayer? No.
Doors open and doors close. Sometimes one must wait for the best God has to offer.